Enox’s Latest Treatise: On The Bullshit (of DHF)

July 19, 2010 at 10:33 | Posted in Everything | 16 Comments

Enox’s Famous

On The Bullshit

A treatise on the incorporeal and meaningless struggle for existence concerning our interweb hole known as DHF.

Introduction

It would seem that our community, DHF, has been hit left and right by terrors constantly over the past few years, and somehow we have managed to stay together:  until now. The bullshit has piled up so high that we’re all suffocating in it, with one escape:  leaving the community for good. Is this the only solution? Or can we come to a compromise on the issues that have been tearing us apart? Will Enox get a raise? Will AKH actually pay him for blogging? Will AKH delete this post due to illegally keeping Enox’s minimum wage from HIM? Aside from all this, we must beg the question:  in our incorporeal world of internetz, who holds the whip of spurn? Who lashes at us with all their might in order that they may tear us apart? AND WHO IS THE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY GIVES A FUCK? In this treatise I hope to establish some basic laws of DHF, establish a criticism of current events that have led to strife between the bourgeoisie and the proletariat of DHF, and then set out a new plan for the repair of the community whilst assessing the required judgement on those who strive great lengths to destroy it.

Part 1: Basic Laws of DHF

I must credit my colleague, Pilotius, for making one section of the basic laws without realizing it. He has made a chart that can be used to explain any DHF bullshit situation, and which, honestly, could predict within a micrometer of a centimeter of a triglyceride, any DHF bullshit finale. If we apply this basic chart to any outburst of flamewar, banham, or technically anything interweb related, then we could solve all of DHF’s problems in their early stages, right? Wrong. I will prove that this is impossible in my upcoming laws. Before I do, though, please examine this chart, as I will be bringing it up in my later conjectures (again, credit to Pilotius, my dear peer, for being the psychological genius, or observer of fags, that he is, for only one of his kind could know the inner workings of, presumably, man):

I will now proceed to, instead of prove that each stage is correct as it should be assumed here that they are, debunk the myth that our problems may be solved with this chart. There are three very simple conjectures about DHF that simply cannot allow this chart to, in any way, prevent the stages from happening. Though it may be able to predict them precisely, in no way can it help in any situation other than to prepare for the worst. These three laws that defy the law of Pilotius are:

1) DHF’s bullshit pile cannot be moved because it has gotten so large.

It is a known fact that when shit piles high enough, it can weigh as much as a mountain. “A heap of shit, a heap of sand; who’s even gonna weigh the shit at all when it smells that bad?” – A wise man. Who could move this pile? Noone! It must be gradually picked up, little by little. But by who? See the 3rd rule.

Now, to apply this rule to DHF non-metaphorically:  the “e-drama” that is currently ensuing is the result of tensions, feelings of guilt, feelings of rage, grudges, predispositions, and many other assorted emotions and memories that came from past flamewars or banhams, aka, the actual verb “to shit” whereas the actual shit is what I have just described. Nobody can move this metaphorical shit because it is so large, as we have too many emotions about each other that we keep bottled up inside, most likely due to the fact that some of us do not know how to use these emotions, because we “hate people.” So who could actually clear this shit up? Rule 3, my friend. Read it and weep. But first, check out rule 2. Iz niac.

2) DHF must shit at least once a week in order to remain from exploding.

Usually, DHF has to take a shit about once a week. Sometimes DHF can go without taking a shit for a month, but that is very rare. “The man who lets his shit out constantly seems to have more shit, while the man who shits very little seems to be constipated, therefore releasing less shit.” – Same wise man. Unfortunately this wise man forgets that, if you don’t shit, you’ll rupture your internals and die. So, if you must shit eventually, how can you come to terms with it and make it feel good and not painful? We will discuss this in my solutions.

For the weak of mind, here is the physical explanation:  DHF needs to flamewar/banham around one time per week. If we try to keep these things bottled in instead of unleashing them, and seem ok, we really aren’t; in a matter of another week the situation will be worse than it would’ve been had we unleashed our emotions when we actually had them. DHF must learn to “shit” and make it feel good, instead of shitting out bricks and making it a painful one. If DHF members could find a way to express their opinions, emotions, and general wills without conflict, this would be equatable to a good shit.

3) DHF cannot clean up its shit due to the Mexicans not cleaning up the shit.

Mexicans are not doing their jobs and cleaning up the shit they create. Instead, they run back to Mexico so that they don’t have to clean the poopie that they spilled from their pants on the construction site of DHF. Instead of actually coming back to DHF and explaining why they shat on it, and who they were intending to shit on, they run back to their foreign land and talk in their native tongue, behind the back of the other construction workers. If all the Mexicans on the construction site of DHF would learn to use the port-a-potties and stop shitting on the site itself, then wouldn’t it be much better for everyone?

Speaking in non-cryptic language, DHF members are continually ragequitting from the community because they get upset over an argument, ban, or emotion that they themselves and other parties had a role in creating. They run to other places so that they can talk in secret to others about the other members, hoping to get more of the DHF members on their side so that they could return and hopefully expel the person they wished they could remove, for reasons contained in the second basic law. What if this could be skipped? What if the emotions, opinions, or whatever causation for arguments be discussed amongst the people of DHF of whom the issue may be concerned in a civilized manner, which equates to shitting in a port-a-potty? This manner, which CAN and WILL be attained if we all try, will be explained in my conclusion.

Part 2: Criticisms of The DHF Way of Shitting

It is well known that DHF goes through the same cycle of shitting each time it has shat over the past few years. I aim to change the classical, traditional way of shitting with my new, radical way of shitting. However, before I can introduce to you my conjectures on the path that DHF should take, let us first examine three of the main problems we face as a community.

1) The Argument: Wall Vs. Enox

Enox, as you may know, and as I know him, as I am in an essence him, which therefore he is I and no longer must I doubt myself is he, would argue with a brick wall if it had three words written on it:  “FUCK YOUR BAG.” Non-cryptically speaking, I would blow a fuse if anything I held dear to me were challenged unfairly. So would a few others (and here, I have closest in mind Nate, Dragonz, and Zeon, although the latter isn’t much an active part of the community). Argumentation is one of our main problems, and has led to many conflicts over the past few years. I even feel as though there still exist a grudge match between the intellectual debaters, though I can’t say for sure that any grudge exists. I will explain how we can fix argumentation in my conclusion.

2) The Fallen Fag: Damian

This is a hot topic amongst DHF, and I must approach it with caution, or I will be unfairly blasted by the Conure-Wing media. Damian, who has manipulated DHF, Yoyogames, AND the AKHlog with billions of lies over the past few years (and under tons of aliases), is not liked in the community because of said lies. There is also a spurious hate for him concerning his humor, or as one in the community would call it, “acting like a retard.” As DHF has always done for each of its community members, Damian has been continuously recycled in and “forgiven.” However, he has made no noticeable change of heart concerning his lying habits, with his last major lie actually backstabbing Conure and starting a DHF cycle of shitting. After all these years and no signs of change in Damian, why should we let him back in? Because Conure said so? Which leads into…

3) The Upset Stomach:  Not Diarrhea, But Conure

We, as a community, have every type of personality:  from the BRB DINNER of AKH, to the BAG of Enox, to the frivalty of OBJECTION in Nitro, or of the DRAGON in Dragonzrkool. And then, we have Conure:  dare I say, the dodo of the community who may be put on the endangered species list in the near future. Our most recent cycle of hatred, in which a certain member left due to a supposed unfair ban that was merely a joke, was continued by Conure, even while Nate and I tried to convince him to stop carrying it on. Later, due to carrying on the “hate speak” against Dragonz, I was assumed to be the culprit of a few of the stages of the DHF cycle (which for the most part I stayed out of). Basically, Conure pulled in those around him like a magnet and then conglomerated with those said people to form SuperConure, or the main enemy of Dragonz at that point, without the others’ consent. So, with this in mind, I tried my best to calm SuperConure and make him release his continuous rants on Dragonz leave, but to no avail. Thus, I decided to see what Dragonz was up to, and it seemed very similar. I named this point Conure simply because the image of Conure = anger. Kthxbai.

Part 3: Baby’s First Shitting Guide For The Future of DHF (Aka, Conclusion of Thoughts)

There is a very simple fix to everything that has been assessed on this gloomy eve. It is very simple and should be done every time DHF goes to take a shit:

COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS TO OTHERS.

Do not let that old cultural meme of “MEN DON’T DO THIS” bother you; you’ve seen the strife it leads to. If you read the third basic law:  if you speak out your feelings to others instead of bottling them up inside, you are actually shitting in the port-a-potty! So, you ask, how do you clean up the shit that has been piled up before? In the same exact way. If you communicate any feelings of hatred you have to another person in a non-insulting way, then the shit will begin to be picked up.

In regards to Pilotius’s road map for DHF’s shortcomings:  if we can confess our true feelings of each other TO each other without starting a flame war (and this is possible, wait until the next section), then we should be able to have a road map that looks like this:

Problem —> Fighting, Someone Did Something Stupid, Or Anything Else —> Fair Discussion of Emotions/Memories/Grudges —> Back to Step 1!

This could end up being the new road map of DHF, but only if we wish to achieve it! In order to stop the pain of bullshit, as one cannot ever stop shitting, one must make the shit more pleasant by shitting in the port-a-potty and not out on the construction site.

Also, think about the basic laws in the respect that we could all just get along in the sense that we could feel comfortable in expressing our ideas and emotions to each other:  in accordance with law 3, the shit pile would shrink to nothingness due to the Mexicans actually shitting in the port-a-potty, which would solve law 2, and the shit pile could then be moved, which breaks law 1. All of the basic laws of DHF could ACTUALLY BE BROKEN if we tried hard enough.

Part 4: Assessing The Judgements

Who should be blamed for the causation of the original shit? This is an answer that not even I know, nor Al Gore, the infamous creator of the interwebz. Or was that m00t? Anywho. We need to forget about the shit pile that has already accumulated AFTER we clean it up, i.e. discuss our grudges, feelings, etc. Everyone’s plate should then be cleared, with everyone beginning anew as a tabula rasa.

However, as I see upon the horizon a new wave of shit coming from the bowels of DHF, I have decided to decree this law of DHF:

IF A MAN SHALL ATTEMPT, IN ANY WAY, TO RUIN THE INTEGRITY OF DHF’S SHITTING ETIQUETTE, THAT MAN SHALL BE CAST AWAY FROM THE SIGHT OF DHF FOREVER, UNTIL THE END OF TIMES, WHENCE THE SHIT OF DHF WILL BE POURED UPON HIM FOREVERMORE.

As Dragonz once said:  “The golden age that never begun has ended.” As Enox now says:  “The golden age that never begun has sprung forth a new beginning in its end; a beginning that, with nurture and proper growth, will lead to an easier shit.” So ends this treatise, and so end my thoughts on bullshit.

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16 Comments »

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  1. I’M UP TO MY FUCKING KNEES IN DHF SHIT!!!

  2. The name’s Recker. Jack Recker. A lot of people are afraid to walk these streets at night. But not me, because I am…a vampire hunter.

  3. eww shit is smelly

  4. damian what is the point of commenting if you’re going to post useless shit and continue to add shit to the shit i discussed in my on bullshit 😐

  5. Shit always happens when I leave lol.

  6. *while I’m away

  7. @zeon it’s probably best that you weren’t there, it’s all a bunch of 6th grade e-drama that quite frankly i’m tired of myself 😐 and yes, shit did happen, = post topic (Y)

    —-hopefully this will make a statement as to what dhf sounds like every…week? and if not then i’m outta there! then i’ll be like YOU’RE TOO YOU’RE TOO SLOW—-

  8. A hell of a lot of people are online here but no one’s on DHF xat :/

  9. http://xat.com/EpicBoxY

  10. “I must credit my colleague, Pilotius, for making one section of the basic laws without realizing it.”

    …….. (Y)

    Also, well done. I agree with a litter hard work, we can convert the old cycle of DHF shit into a more respectable, cleaner (?), less stinky pile of shit. No guarantees we’ll ever remove that old pile.

  11. yeah pilote, i agree. with a “litter” hard work, all shits are possible (Y)

  12. OBJECTION!

    I don’t use OBJECTION that much, you OBJECTION-able people. Have you forgotten about ERECTION?! Fools!

    … But anyways, this kind of posts are the best. But anyways, let’s kill all the fags and start something new, fuck yeah?

  13. I also noticed how many times I used “but anyways”.. God, I am a pimp.

  14. “I am a pimp.”

    OBJECTION.

  15. “OBJECTION”

    OBJECTION! My sexyness is higher than your sexiness, check my level, it’s over 9000! – *shot* ENOX GAINS A LEVEL x 9001


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