Something to Take Note Of

February 3, 2012 at 16:40 | Posted in Everything | 2 Comments

I do not know whether or not this is the prevailing opinion, but I had never meant to portray myself as “standing above” anyone here. Let me explain some of the motives I have, and the reasons why I have either said or acted a certain way here.

But first:

“To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.”

That’s a Montesquieu quote.

My original intentions were to bring back the fruits of my labor in reading to the general populace here to enrich their lives, not to harm anyone. That intention may be seen through the fact that I enacted no personal criticisms or petty arguments through my writing. It may also be seen because the posts were also directed to me:  when I write I speak to blank walls and an empty room, mainly to hear myself speak, to criticize those parts of myself that won’t listen to rationality. But I do want to help others as well, so I have invited you to my speaking hall. Nevertheless, I move on.

The fact of the matter is that I am not claiming to be some sort of Nietzschean “Super Man” but rather a Nietzschean “Zarathustra” who is heralding the “Super Man” in all of us, who says that we each contain the ability to go beyond our condition at this moment.

In all of my posts, I find fault even in myself. The side of me that speaks through these posts is only one aspect of self; it is the side with which I “transcend,” which means more or less “forget” in this sense, the rest of my mind. The “rest of my mind” besides the rational part is, essentially, the same as everyone else.

The reason why I could not return to the chat rooms (note that my recent appearance was not a return to the old ways:  it was more or less a new method of approach) is because of my own faults, necessarily that I have a certain obsessive compulsion to know what everyone is saying at all times. I have tried to transfer this obsessive compulsion to hearing what the books on my shelf have to say, and it has nearly worked. I’ll explain where my obsessive compulsion about “knowing what others think” comes from, in a later post, because it ties in with my sexuality.

Needless to say none of this implies that any of you are “below” my concern. This is where my obsessive compulsion comes to the fore:  I have not stopped thinking about you all since I left. I cannot stop thinking about any of you. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing either. But it does show you how much I genuinely care about this place (what is more compelling in love than a physical mental clinging that cannot be fought by consciousness?).

So to sum up:  Nothing I have said is an implication that I as a whole am of a higher order than anyone here. I may imply that my rational side is (whether or not that is the truth is up to debate, but I certainly think my credentials qualify that statement), but never have I said that I am some pure, holy god-being that has no human ailments.

I am a human being just like everyone here. I don’t like my human status, but that doesn’t mean I have gone beyond it. It’s impossible to do that anyways.